Give me some space!

 

When you hear the phrase "give me some space", it automatically reminds you of any of your relationships that you didn't feel you had a place to express your emotions or any physical room to move around!

Today I am talking about "personal space" during the pandemic!

Growing up in eastern culture, we had no concept of having our own "personal space" in any definition. When you are living with an extended family or living in a small apartment, and on the top of that having neighbors who are always watching your every move, you end up sharing your toys, bed, room, food and even friends with your siblings! There’s no fine line between anyone in family regarding "this is mine".   Even as adults, people sometimes live with their parents and don't see that as a “lack of independence".  Things may have changed now as everyone wants to follow western culture: nuclear family, independent life etc.  I am sure everything is not perfect living together also but we are not talking about it today;)

In contrast to eastern culture, people who grow up in western culture are used to living alone, away from their parents or children, or living in the middle of nowhere. Kids will start having their own "room" from the day they are born. Maybe at some point they will have their own nanny, own phone, own bike, car and the list goes on as you get older. The expectation is that when you turn "18" which is a number to be considered an adult, you will move out and be on your own. Whether you are ready or not! 

On a personal level I have noticed lot of changes in my lifestyle after living in a western life but do try to balance both. 

As a child psychiatrist, I do find kids having more anxiety issues when they have not developed adequate trust, confidence and being asked to sleep alone in their room or separated from parents when not ready. 

So now let's talk about "pandemic life". This is the first time in our life time, when everyone was "forced" to be in the same house 24/7! Parents have to work from home, kids have to do schooling from home. No access to outdoor activities, no socialization, no different food!! Young adults had to move in with their parents after living on their own for few years! No dating life or no partying! No matter how much you love each other, it is a challenge to live in the same household 24/7 and make everyone happy.

I have seen people having more stress, anxiety, irritability related to trouble coping with this life style. I have mothers who are overwhelmed from working at home and also taking care of their little ones or providing guidance for virtual schooling and working. It’s very challenging when you have more than one kid! I have seen young adults trying to find ways to cope with living under their parents' roof, not having same kind of social lifestyle and relying on their parents for a lot of things as they are not having a job or have not been able to do schooling. 

So how can we all keep our sanity and let people have their "space"?

- Accept it that we are all in this together.

- It is ok to have difference of opinion, but don't take it personally. Allow others to disagree with you!

-If you have little kids and are still working, assign parenting responsibility for each parent or divide days so both parents can work without having distractions.

- If you have a teenager, then provide good structure and schedule to help them organize their time.

- Don't be too strict about grades this year! It is ok if they have C or D this year! It is the effort that counts!

- Assign family time to have fun and not talk about disciplinary rules. 

- Schedule outdoor time for 30-60 minutes every day.

- Assign young adults some independent responsibility so they feel they are useful in the family.

- Assign electronic free time for all including parents.

- It is ok if everyone doesn't want to spend time together all the time. Let everyone decide how they want to spend their free time once in a while. 

- Let everyone pick a meal to cook if they’re old enough to do so!

- Have some family "venting" time to discuss issues/stressors about the day and to not go to sleep with them.

Let me tell you that this time won't come back and you want to treasure it by making memories and living life to its fullest.

 Living together can be fun!❤